No matter how bad your first time was it will never be as bad as what certain animals and insects have to go through. These 11 creatures make getting stabbed and shot to death seem pleasurable in comparison to mating.
They Eat The Father
The Praying Mantis is one of the unluckiest, if you’re a male that is. In order to make the male ejaculate quicker, the female will bite his head off but she’ll only do this if she’s really hungry and clearly impatient. Otherwise they’ll do a mating dance afterwards.
Bedbug males aren’t interested in small talk. Instead they’ll find a female, impale them with a tubule that injects sperm into their bloodstream. Then they leave and never call again.
Sealing The Deal
The male Southern Elephant Seal will crush their female’s skulls while mating. The Monk Seals get mobbed to death by horny seals looking to get some with a female in heat. In fact, seals are one of the few species who are endangered on the grounds of trying to get some.
Mating To Rehydrate
Seed Beetles have the spikiest and sharpest penises, which ensure that they’ll be able to make the most babies with their mate but is damaging to the female. On the pro side, females, who are often dehydrated during the mating season, are rehydrated in the process.
Squid Mating Ritual
The male Dana Octopus Squid will puncture holes into its mate with sharp claws and beaks. Then it will inject the sperm into those cuts. The Great Hooked Squid on the other hand is less invasive because their sperm dissolves a female’s skin, allowing them to burrow inside.
How I Met Your Mother
Since flatworms are hermaphrodites, they are forced to choose which one gets to be the female by fighting it out with their penises. Whoever gets punctured becomes the lucky mother.
The lucky few male bees that get to go inside the queen bee aren’t so lucky. Their penises explode during the mating process, ensuring the queen has enough juice to fertilize fifteen hundred eggs. But the male bees die in the process.
Slugs And Snails
Slugs and snails are also a hermaphroditic species but ironically don’t have a penis. Instead they throw darts that make the receiver more open to the other’s genetic material. In the case of the Banana Slug, their 6 to 8 inch penises get bit off by the female if it gets stuck inside of them.
Male wasp spiders will make the ultimate sacrifice and break off their genitals in order to escape their certain death by the female. But studies show that the angry female will go ahead and eat their mates quicker than those that successfully mate.
Mate To Death
Every winter, quoll males will grab a female by the neck and force her to mate with them from anywhere from 3 to 24 hours. The ritual is violent and in the process, some of the females die. Then the male will eat them up … literally.
Male Octopuses have a tentacle that contains a sperm packet which he’ll then deliver into a slot inside the female’s body. Unfortunately, the male’s organ remains within the female and he dies within a few months.